Atuji Begins Narrating the Story of Zubaida Khatun
Zubaida Khatun's only son, Sayyid Abbas, told me his mother's story.
He recounted:
In my ancestral home in Delhi, in the famous lane,
Kucha 'Aqil Khan, there lived two brothers, sons of a leading citizen.
The younger brother, Khwaja Fuzail, was my maternal grandfather, and
his elder brother was Khwaja Kumail. I never met Khwaja Kumail, but
I heard that at the age of thirty or thirty-five, he left his job in
Delhi and disappeared. Khwaja Fuzail, my maternal grandfather, was sorely
afflicted by his brother's departure. God had granted them wealth and
position. They had a number of rental properties in the city, they held
four villages in jagir,/1/
and they also had ten men to serve them. They were honored by one and
all. They had all this, and yet because his brother had gone away, my
grandfather lost all interest in his wealth. Fortunately, my maternal
grandmother, Nani Jan, was a very intelligent and sagacious woman. She
tried many ways to lighten her husband's sorrow, so that when he was
at home, he would not miss his brother. When my mother was born, he
forgot some of his grief. He had a great desire for a son, but God,
in His wisdom, gave him a daughter who was worth a hundred sons.
My grandparents were both very devoted to her, but
there is a big difference between discriminate love and indiscriminant
love. Discriminate love shows itself very little initially, but has
good results later on. Indiscriminant love is excessive at the outset,
but does not have good results. Many people praise their children constantly,
kissing them, caressing them, embracing them, holding them in their
laps, feeding them whenever they are hungry, giving them whatever they
ask for. The result of all this is that the child is spoiled rotten.
He becomes insolent and does not mind. If he later straightens out and
becomes a good person with an upright character it is quite surprising,
since his parents certainly spoiled him at the outset. Someone has truly
said that loving a child is like irrigating a field. Just as flooding
it with water can harm the crops, so too love beyond certain limits
can spoil the child. People who are wise and who consider the possible
results of what they do, do not express their love too demonstratively.
When they show their affection towards their child, they do it just
enough so that he feels cared for. In feeding and clothing him, they
think about what is good for him and what is not. They won't give him
something that is harmful to his health. They won't expose him to anything
that might have a bad influence on his behavior. Until a child is five
years old or more, he cannot tell the difference between what is good
for him and what is not. Fire and water, poison and its antidote, all
are the same to him. Until such time as he understands the difference
between what is good and what is bad, one must pay careful attention.
He will only understand these differences when he has some instruction.
For this reason, those parents who truly have their child's welfare
at heart will never give in to his whims. Sometimes they will divert
him; at other times they will scold him or punish him. In sum, my mother
was born to parents who were of as high character as she would be, and
they expended their love and affection in making sure that her character
was properly molded.
Here it is worth recounting a little story. When
my mother was born, Nani was looking for an Anna (wet-nurse). One day
she asked her husband to engage a nurse when he found one. Nana Jan
replied: "Listen, Sahib!/2/
It is not hard to find a nursemaid. I could hire ten women right away,
but I will not engage one until I find the kind of woman I want for
the job. I have read in books, and I can also figure out for myself,
that the nurse has a special influence over the child. In fact, I myself
have been looking around for a nurse; I didn't wait until you mentioned
it. Above all else, a nurse should have these two qualities: First,
she must be from a respectable family; and second, she must be of a
modest and cheerful disposition. You too should be on the lookout. Tell
any women who come to visit that if we find a suitable woman, we want
to engage her as a servant. I am prepared to give her ten rupees a month."
As far as I know Nani Sahiba nursed the baby herself
for six months. During that time, a number of women applied for the
job, but it was not easy to find the type of person they wanted. Finally,
after six months, they engaged Husaini Khanam as a nurse. Though it
is unnecessary to praise her extravagantly, I know that my mother was
lucky to have Husaini Khanam as her nurse. Nani Sahiba looked after
Husaini well. She fed her the same food she ate herself, and clothed
her as well. Whenever she had clothes made for my mother, she also had
clothes made for Husaini's son. Husaini became so devoted to her that
she spent the rest of her life in that house.
Once Husaini Khanam came to visit my mother. I have
no idea what brought the subject up, but on that occasion, Husaini Khanam
started telling me that: "Your grandmother raised your mother like
no one else did. My boy, she was considerate of me only because of your
mother. If she had not taken care of me, I would have been like thousands
of others, with no one to care for them."
She was telling me these things when my mother came
in. Anna/3/ then
asked: "Bi Zubaida! (My mother's name was Zubaida Khatun, but Husaini
Anna called her "Bi Zubaida.") What can you possibly remember
about your childhood toys?"
Mother replied: "Why, Bi! Why wouldn't I remember
them? I played with them until I was six or seven years old!"
I asked my mother: "Mummy, did you have horses
and elephants made of clay?"
She said: "No son, they were not made of clay,
but of cloth. The Mughlani/4/
at our house was very clever at stitching things. Mother had her make
toys for me out of cloth, which she then painted. They had very strange
names, and some had ugly faces which frightened me. Among them, there
was one named Anger and one named Indecent Language, one named Slander
and one called Lies, one named Insolence and one called Gossip, one
called Foolishness and another Violence, one called Loquaciousness and
one named Laziness, one called Idleness and another Sloth. Among these
toys was one in particular which looked like two people attacking each
other. This two-headed doll was called Fisticuffs. It looked very much
like two female demons fighting and tearing each other's hair out. Among
the toys there was also a horse with a very strange face, a frightening
face: bleary-eyed, its mane awry, its tongue hanging out. He had a mechanism
inside him and if you pressed it, he would run. He would go straight
as an arrow for about two yards, then fall on his face and roll on the
ground. His name was Haste.
"The toys that had nice faces had names like
Shyness and Modesty, Skill and Cleanliness, Virtue and Humility, Patience
and Contentment, Kindness and Harmony and Obedience. Among them was
a toy that looked like a deer, and from the expression on its face you
could tell that it was just about to leap. Its name was Agility. There
was also a pretty little fairy who seemed as if she were smiling about
something, and you could not take your eyes off of her. Her name was
Smiling Face."
I asked: "Mother dear! Why did Nani have those
toys made?"
She replied: "Son! She had them made in order
to discourage me from evil habits and make me choose good ones."
I said: "Then you got some benefit from them?" She said: "My
dear! I don't know about benefits, but I do know that I have not
forgotten what they looked like. When anyone gets angry, I remember
the face of the toy named Anger. When two women are quarreling, I remember
that two-faced doll, and when someone does something in haste, I see
the image of that horse in my mind. Similarly, in all other matters,
you can understand the impression they made." Then she began to
tell me: "Son! I realize that this was only one of the ways that
Mother raised me in a very innovative manner. If I am a worthy human
being, it is because of her. I remember, right after my bismillah,
mother taught me first of all the words and the meanings of the prayers.
When I had learned all that by heart, she made me stand before her and
go through the motions of praying. After ten days to two weeks of that,
I knew how to say my prayers properly. Then, whenever she had free time,
she sat me down and told me: 'Daughter! God is beside us at all times.
He sees whatever we do; he hears whatever we say. If someone is hidden
behind seven curtains, God can see him just as clearly as I can see
you right now. So you see, whatever I forbid you to do, you should not
even consider doing it, even behind my back. I may not see it, but God
surely can.'
"In addition to this, she taught me proper behavior
in all sorts of matters: eating and drinking, getting up and sitting
down, moving about, talking and listening, respecting my elders and
deferring to them, and so on. She also taught me to avoid such things
as: fraternizing with the servants, talking too loudly, running around,
looking someone boldly in the eye while talking to them, laughing boisterously,
going about with head uncovered, and unnecessarily climbing up to the
roof. She kept me from doing these things in such a way that I did not
forget her injunctions all my life. Son! Why do I remember to this day
things taught to me in my childhood even though I was barely five years
old? How come I remember things now that I learned way back then? Many
of the things she did guided me without my knowing it. Only when I was
ten or twelve years old did I realize that Mother had done certain things
for my own good. You have heard me describe my toys. At such a young
age, how could I know that those toys served as examples for my behavior?
"Besides that, whenever a servant made a mistake,
and she found out that it was premeditated, she would scold the servant
so severely in front of me that I would be forewarned. And if anyone
told a lie, she would also become angry in my presence and would say:
'Listen, you! If there's anything I despise, it's lying! I cannot abide
lying even by my children. Now I can forgive you this once but if I
ever catch you lying again, you will no longer be employed in this house.'
"But if anyone made a mistake and avowed it
openly, she did not become quite so angry and would say: 'Since you
told me the truth, I forgive you.' If anyone came to the house and described
the naughtiness or insolence of another child, she would say in my presence,
'If my child ever acted that way, I would put a hot coal on her tongue.'
"Several times she went to great trouble just
for the sake of giving me advice. For example, once when she was ill,
a very old woman heard the news and came to visit her. When the old
lady was sitting beside her, Mother felt it was presumptuous to remain
lying down and so she sat up. Only when the person insisted, did she
let her place some cushions behind her to prop her up. Seeing her act
respectfully in this way, I followed her example. Frequently, she would
scold me over such small matters that I would remember her admonitions
for the rest of my life, and I deemed it absolutely necessary to do
things in a certain way. For example, if I left my satchel hanging open
and stood up to go somewhere, and if a servant got up and started tying
it shut for me, and Mother saw it happening, she would not allow her
to tie it, but ask her to untie it again, so that I could close it myself."
Having said these things, my mother then turned to
Anna Husaini and said: "Now, Bi! Don't you remember these things
too?"
Husaini answered: "Why wouldn't I? You were
about seven years old and you remember; I was a woman of some thirty
years of age, so how could I forget? Do you remember anything else from
that time?"
My mother replied "Well, I haven't written it
down in any book. I remember a lot. I have also forgotten a lot."
Anna asked: "How old were you when you started
studying with Ustani-ji? What did you do at different times during the
day? At what times did you sit at the feet of Begam Sahib?/5/
And what advice did she give you?"
My mother replied: "Goodness! My brain isn't
clever enough for me to sit here and recall the whole story!"
I said: "No, Mummy! we want to hear it! I'm
dying to hear it! You must tell us!"
She laughed: "Well, all right. You are two against
one. Anna was joking with me, and look what it has come to!
If I had known this would happen I wouldn't have brought up the subject!
Well, all right, son. Whatever you ask, I will do. Now, go to Maulvi
Sahib's house for your lessons, and this evening, when I am free, I
will tell you the whole story."
So, that evening when we had finished eating, my
mother told us the whole story.
"When I was five years old, my mother turned
me over to the ustani. This much I remember well. Until
I was seven I studied only the Quran with her, and during that time
I committed several sections of it to memory. At that stage, no one
pressured me too much to learn to read and write. At the beginning of
my eighth year, all my time was taken up: In the mornings from 6:00
to 9:00 I studied the Quran with Ustani-ji, and then Mughlani
taught me stitching for an hour. After eating at 10:00, Mother gave
me free time to play. But frequently I went back to Mughlani
of my own accord and sat and sewed with her. At 11:00 my father came
into the interior of the house from the diwan khana/6/
in order to rest. He had me sit on the floor next to his bed and practice
naskh and nasta'liq calligraphy./7/
While he was awake, he examined my handwriting and corrected any mistakes.
While he slept, I sat there and practiced. I sat there, writing away,
until he woke up at about 1:00, and then I put away my tablet, ink,
and pen and got up to say my prayers. Sometimes he would tell me to
stay so that he could check my work. If it was not all right, or if
it was insufficient, he conveyed the idea to me gently, but in such
a way to make me ashamed of myself. After my prayers, I studied a religious
work in Urdu with Ustani-ji until 3:00. When I had completed
the Quran and learned all the religious injunctions concerning prayer,
fasting, bathing and cleanliness, Father began to teach me the translation
of Shah Abdul Qadir/8/
and also began teaching me Persian and arithmetic.
"He also advised me: 'When you have time free
from your studies, you should spend half an hour or so reading the Tales
of the Four Darvishes (Bagh o Bahar) or Akhlaq-e-Muhsini
to yourself./9/
Then you should ask Ustani-ji to explain any words you don't understand.'
"I very much enjoyed reading those books, so
although he had advised me to read them for half an hour or so, I would
spend an hour or more on them. I was free at 3:00, and sometimes I would
go and help Mughlani with her work, or if some of my girl relations
were visiting and they insisted, I would go and play dolls with them.
But mother had drilled into me from the beginning that work was so important,
that even in childhood, I didn't enjoy playing much. After saying my
late afternoon prayers, I went to the kitchen and watched the cook grind
spices, put the pots on to cook, and season the meat. I also watched
the way she looked after the supply of salt, water, and coals for the
fire. That is the hardest part of cooking. After these things became
familiar to me and when I well understood the daily routine of cooking,
Mother said to me:
"'Beta!/10/
From time to time you should cook something yourself. You don't learn
simply by watching. The most important skill is keeping the fire at
the right heat. Until you have cooked each dish ten to twenty times
yourself, you won't really know how. Further, you never know when these
skills may come in handy; one's life can change at any time.'
"My nature was such that I applied myself to
whatever I had to learn. I did so not only out of enthusiasm, but also
because she told me to. Bit by bit, I took on all the jobs in the kitchen:
washing dal, grinding spices, lighting the fire in the stove,
peeling vegetables, chopping onions, browning the ghi, making
kababs, preparing broth, draining the boiled rice, cooking
the pulao. The cook just sat and watched while I did all these
things on my own. At first, I ruined a number of dishes. Sometimes I
put too much salt in the food. Sometimes the dal was insufficiently
cooked. Sometimes too much water remained in the kichri. Sometimes
in roasting the meat, I would burn it. Sometimes there were half-cooked
grains of rice remaining in with the cooked rice./11/
But Mother never got angry, and if Father got irritated, she
would signal him to desist. Then in my absence, she told him:
"'The cook did not cook the food; Zubaida did. She
is still a child. From time to time I tell her to cook something, as
she can learn to cook only by doing it. If you say bad things about
her cooking now, she will never go near a stove in the future.'
"So in a short while, I picked up the knack
of cooking, and even learned to make dishes which are cooked only
on special occasions. But to tell the truth, even today I cannot cook
those special dishes as well as I should. The truth of the matter is
that only a glutton really knows how to cook those things, or else someone
whose job it is. Fortunately, I have never been greedy nor, thank God,
have I ever had to do a cook's job. Why learn what you don't have
to?
"That leaves the whole question of learning
to make roti (flat bread). Aside from this, I rather enjoyed
cooking. My mother saw that I did not greatly enjoy this job, so she
would come and sit by the stove and cook one or two rotis herself.
Then she would have me do it. I began to realize that it wasn't that
bad, and that she was taking this trouble upon herself just to encourage
me. So one day, I said to her:
"'Mummy dear! For goodness sake, please go and
sit down! I didn't like to do this at the beginning, no doubt, but now,
if you ask me to, I could cook up a maund of flour per day!'
"Thus, I learned how to cook bread of all kinds:
chappatis, phulkas, roghni roti, parathas,
bread with dal and channas ground up with the
grain—I could make them all./12/
It would be foolish to claim that I cooked better than the cook. She
was much better at it than I, but nevertheless, my father became so
fond of the things I cooked that he no longer liked to eat food prepared
by the cook. God alone knows if he praised my cooking because he really
liked it, or whether he did so out of consideration for me! Nevertheless,
he praised me and that pleased me, and so I cooked for him.
"After we had finished the meal, it was my habit
to sit with Mother until 9:00 or 10:00 in the evening, and in the course
of our chats, she gave me advice on all sorts of things. Most of all
she imbued me with an enthusiasm for learning. First, she had a small
cupboard built for me, and then she had a number of little books from
Father's library bound prettily for me: some in green, some in red,
some in yellow, blue, or brown, all with gold embossed lettering.
"She put all these in my cupboard and said:
'Daughter! This cupboard is for you, and here is the key. Keep it with
you. But if I hear any complaints about you from Ustani, I
will take away the privilege.'
"My love of books began from that day. For fear
of losing them, I started reading with great diligence.
"Then one day she said to me: 'Do you know,
daughter, what will be the result of reading all these books? You see,
your uncle has not been heard from in a long time. If you read all these
books, and if we then find out where he is, you can sit here every day
and converse with him.' Once she asked: 'Do you know where the sun comes
from every morning and where it goes every night? You can learn that
from reading those books.' And once she asked: 'Daughter, tell me truth,
what is the difference between you and those poor children running around
naked? Are they not human?'
"I said: 'But of course they are.'
"'Well,' she said, 'then how come God has granted
you clothing, ornaments, papers, books, everything; but they neither
have shoes for their feet nor covering for their heads, nor clothing
for their bodies? The main reason is that in their homes, they don't
have the habit of learning. God has granted us the great bounty of the
love of learning.' Once she asked: 'My dear, answer me this: How come
some children who have plenty of advantages become poor, and other children
who are naked and hungry become rich?' Then she answered the question
herself: 'Daughter! When the children of educated people remain ignorant,
the family declines, and when the children of illiterate parents get
some education, then enlightenment spreads in their homes.' Once she
asked: 'Tell me, what are the most valuable things in our home?'
"I replied: 'Mummy! The most valuable things
are the jeweled ornaments, and after that the plain gold jewelry, and
then the expensive clothing, and other things: copper vessels, china
bowls, carpets, bed linens, couches, beds, furniture, and so on.'
"She said: 'No, my precious! Don't say such
things! If you put the whole household on one pan of a scale, and one
book from your cupboard on the other, they would not weigh the same.
The value of a few of those books is greater than all the riches in
the world.' And once she asked: 'Tell me, are men superior, or are women?'
"I answered: 'Mummy! Men certainly seem to be
superior.' But she said: 'No, little woman! Never believe that! Knowledge
is something that permits the woman who possesses it to have hundreds
of thousands of men as her subjects. You see as an example our ruler,
Queen Victoria, who lives many thousands of miles away. Because she
is so learned, she can rule over two countries.' Once she said: 'Daughter!
If you read all those books, you will be able to travel to every corner
of the world while sitting at home up in the sky, under the earth, across
rivers and to the tops of mountains. Whatever exists, you will experience
it.' From time to time she praised extravagantly the girls in our extended
clan who were educated, and she joked about those who were illiterate.
"So in this way, until I was nine or ten years
old, my mother instilled in me an enthusiasm for learning.
Her words made such an impression upon me that I valued learning more
each day."
Atuji: Mahmuda Begam, what time is it now?
Mahmuda: Honored one! It has just struck
10:00.
Atuji: That's enough for tonight! Go and
get some sleep. We must get up early in the morning. I will tell the
rest tomorrow.
*on to the Third Majlis*
= = = = = = = = = = =
/1/ jagir:
a grant of land, from which the holder (jagirdar) collects
rent.
/2/ Sahib
means Sir or Mr., but it is used here by a man addressing his wife,
a usage which combines respect with affection; cf. the use of beta
(son) for a daughter, note 10 below.
/3/ Anna:
wet nurse, nursemaid.
/4/ Mughlani:
seamstress, maidservant.
/5/ Zubaida Khatun's
mother.
/6/ Diwan khana:
the men's outer sitting room or reception room, as contrasted with the
zanana or interior portion of the house, where only
the woman and closely related males may enter.
/7/ Naskh
is the common script for writing Arabic; nasta'liq, the
standard script for Persian and Urdu.
/8/ Shah Abdul
Qadir's translation: Shah Abdul Qadir (1753-1813) was the son of the
eighteenth-century reformer Shah Waliullah of Delhi, and he translated
the Quran into Urdu. Note that Zubaida Khatun first learned the
Quran in Arabic, then read the translation to know its meaning
better.
/9/ Bagh o
Bahar, or Tales of the Four Darvishes, by Mir Amman Dehlavi,
was originally written in 1801 as a textbook for training European students
of the Fort William College in correct Urdu usage. Akhlaq-e-Muhsini
was, along with the Gulistan and Bostan of Saadi,
a popular work in the Persian curriculum, combining good style with
didactic content. G. M. D. Sufi, Al-Minhaj, Being the Evolution
of Curriculum in the Muslim Educational Institutions of India (Reprint:
Delhi: Idarah-i-Adabiyat-i-Delli, 1977, 1st pub. 1941), pp. 93, 111-113;
Mir Amman of Delhi, Bagh o Bahar or Tales of the Four Darweshes,
tr. by Duncan Forbes (London: Crosby Lockwood, 1857).
/10/ Beta:
son, but here used in addressing a daughter to show special affection;
cf. note 1 above.
/11/ Different
kinds of food: dal, lentils or pulses, served as a thick sauce
or soup and a major source of vegetable protein; ghi, clarified
butter used as a cooking medium; kababs, skewed roast meat;
pulao, rice cooked with spices; kichri, rice and dal,
cooked together.
/12/ Different
kinds of roti (breads): chappati, the standard flat
wheat cake; phulka, a slightly inflated chappati from
being heated directly on the fire; roghni roti, bread fried
in or cooked with butter; parathas, a bread with ghi
cooked into it in several layers, like a short crust; channas,
chick peas, also a source of vegetable protein along with dal.