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(1) A masnawi satirizing Muhammad Ghaus, the Physician	== A Masnawi is a kind of poem, in which the couplets rhyme regularly, as in English heroic verse. The best Masnawi in Oordoo is that of Meer Hussun, entitled "Sihr­ool-baiyan," and in Persian, that of Abdoor Rahman Jami, entitled "Yusuf o Zuleikha." == Ghaus (so says Dr. Forbes) is "a title of Muhammadan saints, whose ardour of devotion, according to vulgar tradition, is such, that in the act of worship, their heads and limbs fall asunder." This tradition however is one that I have not found to be correct from all the enquiries I have made on the subject.
	[meter:  = - - = / = - - = / = - = ]
	*old Urdu page 1*; *modern Urdu page 1*; *critical edition page 1*
1) In the Sudder bazaar there is a fool,  A disgrace to physicians, and a scandal to the practice of medicine;	== This word "sadr" (or as we have corrupted it, Sudder) in Arabic, means "head, breast," hence" chief, supreme." In the present day, since our arrival in India, the principal bazaar of our great cantonments is called the Sudder Bazaar, but this is a term whieh was never used formerly in native cities; military bazaars were called "Oordoo-i­mualla."
2) His form is like that of the devil, and his name is Ghaus;  In the world he sits in the seat of Halaku.	== The words Shaitan and Ghaus are used here in opposition to each other for irony, to show that whilst his name was Ghaus, "the holiest of holy saints," his form was like that of the evil one, the worst and most hideous of all creatures. == Halaku Khan, the sou of Toleh Khan, the son of Changez Khan, of the Uzbek tribe, was a great infidel and a mighty tyrant. In the year 656 A.H. he ordered a general massacre throughout all the cities of Baghdad and the surrounding country, and hence is spoken of as a great murderer.
3) That accursed one is an inhabitant of Turkey,  And in the city he carries with him the evil effects of an owl.	== Amongst the Arabs, Persians and Hindoos it is said that wherever an owl sits, it brings general destruction on the place. The following passages in the Gulistan will give some idea of the Persian view on the subject: "Kas niyayad bazeri sayah i bum War huma az jahan shawad madum." "No one will come under the shadow of the owl, Even if the Huma were non-existent in the world." "Mare kih tu harkira bibeeni bazani Ya bum ki harkuja binisheeni bakani." "Thou art a snake, for whom thou seest, thou bitest; Or an owl, for wherever thou sittest, thou uprootest."
4) Since that fool commenced the practice of medicine,  He has darkened the whole country from Turkey to Syria;
5) Now, in the land of India, in every house,  He is better known than the angel of death.
6) What shall I write regarding his pen,*  Which the sword of death speaks of with praise*	== Meaning, the prescriptions it wrote. == Lit, "fresh on the tongue." The passage means that the sword of death is pleased with his pen, because it gives it victims without any trouble.
	*critical edition page 2*
7) It is not a pen, but a sharp dagger,  And is the murderer of Hindoos and Mussulmans.
8) Had that inauspicious* one not written prescriptions,  Then heaven and hell had not been (so) filled with men;	== Lit., "of bad composition, ill-natured."
9) From the time that he commenced giving medicine to the sick,  Death has become employed, and curing lies idle.
10) In that tyrant's (heart) there is no idea* of pain;  He is the enemy of the life of men and women,	== Lit., "smell."
11) In fact, his business is to kill men;  Death and fate get a bad name without cause.
12) In short, by means of him, men and women now die,  And the grave-diggers borrow loans on his (name).
	*modern Urdu page 2*
13) I will tell you a more wonderful thing than this also,  At hearing which, all the world is laughing;
14) "When that shameless one becomes sick,  He himself administers medicine to himself;
15) Then the washers of the dead, the mourners,* and the undertakers,  All come, and surround his house,	== Those who chant the burial service. Mauludi also means the man who cooks the two loaves that are carried with the dead body to the grave amongst the common people, and which are given to the poor to chant a requiem over the departed one's grave.
	*critical edition page 3*
16) And ask for justice with many discussions and arguments  Each one of them pleads,
17) O Tyrant! do not administer medicine to thyself,  But have a regard to my family;
	*old Urdu page 2*
18) Well! if thou dost administer medicine to thyself,  Tell me of some one like thyself (in case thou should'st die;)
19) So that I may be easy about my sustenance,  And I may be enabled to send lights and flowers to thy grave,'"	== It is an Oriental cnstom to burn lights and to strew flowers at the grave of any Mussulrnan, to obtain for him a heavenly reward, for the holy are supposed to be very fond of sweet odours.
20) What shall I relate regarding his diagnoses?  For my tongue becomes silent in my mouth.
21) There was one, who suffered pain in his head from a catarrh,  Whom death brought to his house;
22) With much thought and consideration, he felt his pulse,  And discerned nothing but hectic fever;
23) He wrote out a prescription with such skill,  That he pondered over it from morning to evening;
	*critical edition page 4*
24) When that (unfortunate one) went and presented it to the druggist,  He, on reading it, began to say to the sick man,
25) "O young man! what ailment hast thou?"  He answered him with many cries and lamentations,
26) "O friend! I know not at all,  But the physician has told me, I have hectic fever."
27) Immediately on hearing this, his heart received a blow,  And, plucking his beard, he began to say,
28) "Alas! what blackguard's invention is this?  In the prescription he has written the confection of Zedoary."
29) Having said this the druggist, becoming restless in mind,  Began to say to him, "O friend! art thou listening?
30) Give me some clue to his appearance!  Who is that person, who has committed such a blunder?"
31) On hearing this, the youth answered the druggist,  "What can I tell thee, O kind friend?
32) To whom shall I liken his form?  He is uglier than a dog, and more unclean than a pig;
	*critical edition page 5*
33) His colour is like pitch, and from his mouth comes a bad smell,  Like that of a last purging after having taken a purgative."
	*modern Urdu page 3*
34) The druggist, on hearing this his description,  Began to say, "Alas Sir, it is indeed so, I suppose;
35) He is that very shedder of blood of bad origin,  Who rises every morning and commits a general massacre;
36) He is not a Ghaus, but an evil-natured tyrant;  Call him not a physician, he is a Halaku."
37) One day O friend! I, at my shop,  Appeared destitute in the sight of every one;
38) A friend of mine, on seeing me, began to say,  'Come, I will introduce thee to Ghaus!
39) Thou requirest him, and he requires thee.  If ye two meet, then it will be well.'
	*old Urdu page 3*
40) When I saw that there was advantage to be obtained from it,  I said, 'Come, I agree with all my heart.'
41) When we two proceeded together,  Death followed us counting every step;
	*critical edition page 6*
42) When I went and beheld that frightful dwelling,  The meaning of the abode of corrupption was unveiled to my mind;
43) There were several sick people in a house,  Which also was narrower than the grave;
44) When that tyrant came and sat down,  Then all those sick ones collected around him;
45) He at once proceeded to feel the pulse of one of them,  And began to say, "Thou hast very severe constipation;
46) Nothing else but this will do thee good."  He therefore wrote, in the prescription, Safufi Yahud,	== Safufi Yahud literally means "Powder of the Jews"; it is a very strong medicine, made of chalk, fleawort seed, and other ingredients, and is given for dysentery or diarrhrea, and therefore was death for constipation.
47) And, O friend! he told him this food to eat,  Namely, that he should eat bread of black mash, with leaves of poppies.
48) To one who was affiicted with dysentery, he gave cowage;  For cholera, he prescribed fleawort seed;
49) For an insane one, he prescribed camel's milk;  And one affiicted with dropsy, he told to go and be bled;
	*critical edition page 7*
50) When he asked what food he should eat,  He said, "Eat sour curds with rice gruel";
51) He said to one who had veneria,  "Scatter salt upon the affiicted part";
52) On beholding another (with the same complaint), he began to say,  "Thou must get the wound, where the sore is, sewn up."
53) Again, having seated himself near a doolie,  He said, "Give me thy hand, that I may feel thy pulse."
54) When that indiscreet person had felt the pulse,  He said to the servant of (the woman in the doolie), "O handmaid!
	*modern Urdu page 4*
55) Has this person pain in the loins, or in the head?  I, for my part, have most fear that she has gout."
56) At last, having fixed that she had epilepsy,  He said, "Give her pumpkin juice,
57) And if she should have a craving to eat,  Then give her nothing but barley gruel."
	*critical edition page 8*
58) On hearing this, she began to say, "What oppression is this?  Such medicine is poison for this (patient);
59) This old woman has spasmodic distortion of the face and palsy,  Why dost thou entertain the thought of killing her?"
60) He replied, "O thou ugly creature! thou  Hast neither seen the Sadeedie nor the Kanun of physic.	== The Sadeedie is a medical work in two volumes, written by Mulla Sadeed; the first on the science of medicine, the second on the practice of it. The latter is now commonly used by medical students, but the former has rather got into disuse, being exceedingly difficult for beginners to understand. == The Kanun is a most celebrated and trustworthy medical work, written by Bu Ali Sena, divided into four volumes, the first two being on the science of medicine, the third about the various kiuds of fever, and the fourth on the treatment of diseases. They are considered the acme of Eastern medical literature.
61) Dost thou then argue with physicians, O stupid one,  Who art worth no more than a rupee and a half?"
62) On this, a certain one said from impudence,  "O old woman! dost thou not hear? it is not his fault;
	*old Urdu page 4*
63) Thy lady is behind the curtain, and he here,  How then can he have any knowledge, (whether she has) distortion of the face or palsy?
64) Consider a little, this is a wonderful case,  He himself says, 'Yes! to be sure.'"
	*critical edition page 9*
65) Hearing these words, she become angry and enraged,  And, spitting on his beard, thus addressed him,
66) 'Now then, my son, bring here the Sadeedie,  And open out the Kanun, thou stupid wretch!
67) When a person is affiicted with distortion of the face, palsy, or epilepsy,  Can they give them pumpkin juice?	[== The order of this verse and the next is reversed in the critical edition. --fwp]
68) Point out thy words there in them,  I also would see where it is there written.'
69) Afterwards when their quarrelling increased,  He beat her with his hand, and she kicked him;
70) He struck her with his pen box,  And she pulled out his beard.
	*critical edition page 10*
[70b) In short, when his jhonTe (?) came into her hands, Having seized his cock, she struggled even further with him.]	[== This verse appears in the critical edition, with an ellipsis in the second line to indicate obscenity. --fwp]
71) When they had thumped each other well, .  They became breathless from beating (each other);
72) People ran and lifted them up,  And, with supplication and cries, separated them;
73) Those who were sensible,  Cursed him, and praised her.
74) To be brief, the object of this story is this,  Namely, to prevent you from taking medicine from such an one."
[75) Don't you yourself dig your own grave! Have you been listening? That's what he's like, this sister-fucker.]	[== This verse appears in the critical edition, with an ellipsis to indicate obscenity.. --fwp]
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